Sexual assault is any act of a sexual nature which you have not agreed upon. It is sexualised behaviour by the offender which causes the victim to feel uncomfortable or afraid. This unwanted behaviour can take various forms such as:
- touching fondling or kissing
- being made to look at or pose for pornographic photos
- being touched or being forced to touch someone else
- voyeurism (someone watching you)
- exhibitionism (someone exposing themselves to you)
- verbal harassment/innuendo
- any other form of unwanted sexual act
- sexual advances unsolicited by yourself
- When someone "spikes" your drink, by adding alcohol or other drugs and sexually assulting you whilst disorientated or unconscious.
As a rule, the victim will define for themselves what they experience as being an assault. Sexual assault is a crime.
It occurs when someone uses their power or authority over another person, or takes advantage of another persons trust or respect to involve them in sexual activity or force sexual activity upon them.
Sexual assault does not have to involve physical violence. In some cases violence may be part of the assault however in many cases violence will not be used, rather psychological threats, verbal threats, tricks or bribes may be used to make another take part in sexual activity. Violence does not have to be used to make it a crime.
Sexual assault is an abuse of power. It is not for the benefit of the offenders sexual gratification. Rather, they get their gratification from having power over another person or child. Sex is the weapon they choose to gain and underpin their power. One in 3 girls will have experienced sexual assault by the age of 18. One in every 8 boys will also have experienced sexual assault by the age of 18.
Sexual assault happens to both males and females. It happens to people of all ages and people of all nationalities. Sexual assault does happen - it is a crime and should not be kept a secret.
An offender is someone who forces you to do a sexual act against your will or who forces themselves upon you. There is no clear picture of who an offender will be. An offender may be someone:
- you know
- be someone in your family
- be a total stranger
In 95% of cases the offender will be male whether the victim is male or female. Men who abuse boys or other men are not usually gay, they are commonly heterosexual men who are 'average' people.
In most cases (85%) the offender is someone who is known to the victim. They may be a family member, close friend of the family, boyfriend, coach, school teacher, step-father or brother, uncle or acquaintance or husband. Rape or sexual assault perpetrated by a stranger happens in 15% of cases although it is what we most often hear and see most reported in the media.
Incest is sexual assault by someone in your family (father, uncle, brother cousin). This also includes someone who may not be related by blood, but is part of the family (stepfather, defacto, a boyfriend of your mother or sister). Incest is a crime.
The impact
Sexual Assault is an overwhelming experience which can lead to a whole range of feelings and reactions. It is also a very personal experience and there is no right or wrong way to react: each individual is different and each individuals way of coping will be different. Many people who have been raped have described experiencing the feelings and reactions described below.
Guys do get raped..
You may feel embarrassed or ashamed when people you know learn that you were assaulted and you may begin to feel as though wherever you go people can tell what has happened. If these feelings become overwhelming, try to remind yourself that lots of men have been raped but you cannot tell who they are.
Because of the myth that only gay men are raped, sometimes heterosexual men who are raped begin to wonder if they are gay or fear that others will think they are. Gay men may fear that others will think they "asked for it". If you begin to think like this bear in mind that rape is about power, not sexuality, and that both straight and gay men can be sexually assaulted.
The myth that men cannot be raped makes men reluctant to tell others because they fear they will not be believed. Confide in someone who will be supportive or discuss your concerns with a counsellor.
Sexual assault can effect your body, your family life and your feelings. Your feelings effect the way you are within yourself and with other people. You can get cut off from your feelings because maybe no-one wanted to believe you or listen to you when you needed them, or you were too scared to tell.
Talking and reading about these feelings can help you to feel them again. You can let them out and let go of them if you want to.
It might be hard at times but keep on going it is worthwhile. It is good to start feeling better about yourself.
Hidden feelings are a bit like a time bomb- they can burst out in confusing ways, like getting into trouble at school , fights, being alone, running away, overdosing, feelings of anger and hurting your body.
It helps to have someone who listens and understands you. You have a right to feel good. It may take time but it's worth it. Unknotting your feelings can make you feel better and stronger.
Where then?
Whether you have experienced sexual assault in the past as a child or recently there are things you can do to help feel safe and to deal with the effects of sexual assault.
Many people who have been sexually assaulted try to bury all memories and effects and often try not to think about it. But the way being sexually assaulted makes you feel and the way it can affect your life can make this difficult or even impossible. Sometimes feelings and memories just won't stay buried and it may be useful to confront them.
Don't keep the sexual assault a secret. It's not your fault and secrets only protect the offender. You need to carefully select the people who you choose to talk to about your experience. You need to talk to someone you can trust and who you think will believe and support you. If the offender was someone in your family it might make it hard for other family members to believe you straight away. In this case it might be better to talk to a friend or Counsellor first. Kids Help Line is a 24 hour, confidential phone Counselling service. If you need someone to talk to they can listen. Call them on 1800 55 1800.
Talking to someone you trust can help you make sense of your feelings and can help you to feel better about yourself.
If you or someone you know is raped then the Sexual Assault Service can provide crisis support and Counselling. They can organise medical help and legal help, if that is what you want, and they can give you information or they can just be there to talk and listen.
Legal rights
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted either recently or in the past then you have a right to report it to the Police and receive legal protection. Sexual assault is a crime and a very serious crime. If you decide to report an assault to the Police then an officer trained in talking to victims of sexual assault will take your statement. If there is enough evidence then the offender will be arrested, questioned and charged. The offender may be kept in custody or they may be granted bail. The conditions of bail are designed to protect you and any other witnesses.
If you want legal protection but do not want to make a formal report to the Police you can apply for an Apprehended Violence Order (NSW) or an Intervention Order (VIC) which will help protect you. Your local Police or Clerk of Courts can help you to obtain an order. You can get more information about your legal rights from a Sexual Assault Counsellor.